This is more the format of a normal review. Please do not panic as reviews are standard for any characters not accepted immediately and it does not mean we don't want you (very, very badly).

Direct quotes from the application will be in this colour; my comments are in black.

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CHARACTER SIDE

What I liked: super sports guy, chewing on things, his appearance. I also like that he is a skeptic of magic and superstition. It fits in well with his personality and the pilots in general, and it makes a lot of sense that he would need to see something before he accepted it as reality. The fact that he shows his distaste for wasting things by eating other people's food and collecting junk made me smile. And, I like his slow, methodical thinking and the slowness with which he comes to form his opinions.

What needs to change: The coffee obsession and tech & magic dislikes are Ellis' shtick. He even has the same rationalization for both, accepting only "necessary" technologies and scorning luxury goods, etc. Additionally, it's hard to believe a young person who was born and raised in Lydda would hate technology. I know some people are just hopeless, but in a game where we have clueless hicks from un(der)developed areas, it'd be nice if the techie kids could actually work the tech.

The narcolepsy, while cute, isn't going to work in its current state. There's just no way Empire would entrust a multi-million dollar piece of equipment to someone who could feasibly pass out while operating it. Even falling asleep in meetings might not be such a hot idea; however that at least is something that would be occassionally tolerated. I would suggest more that he has a strong tendency to fall asleep when he's bored.

Aaand on that note, the big problem with the app is the Klemmensen's. It is problematic for two reasons:

First, Scott is already the wunderkid who was saved by Empire. That's kind of his thing, and I'm extremely hesitant to take on any other pilots who are medically indebted to the company. It's one thing to feel you owe your life to Empire because they saved you in some other way, but the medical way has been done.

Second, Scott was damaged by Neuronol, not saved by it. That's because Neuronol can not cure anything. It is an extremely dangerous drug with numerous bad side effects (which can extend to death) which gets an adverse reaction out of probably 98% of the population (even at game start, when it's supposed to be more "refined"). This is why uses for it are in the extremely early stages; it's very rare someone can use it and not suffer some horrible side-effect. The singular purpose of the drug is that it effectively causes the neurotransmitters in the brain to light up, so to the specially constructed scanners your brain looks like a Christmas tree. That's all it does; enables machines to track and monitor the workings of your brain. It's unlikely it would coincidentally affect his brain's chemicals in a way that would spontaneously treat his disease.

Random comments: His fear of "anaesthesia" seems more like a fear of unconsciousness or lack of control. Also, Empire will continue to employ pilots as long as they're fit an able, so Alan needn't fear being ousted for aging. (They'll probably recruit through 30, and keep you on until you start to slip.) He may however feel losing his position for injury or illness, so he can certainly be paranoid about that.

He had some mild prejudices against Empire due to where he was born, but now he’s literally got his life tied up in the program.

It would be quite impossible to have en entire neighbourhood of Lydda where Empire's presence is not felt. That'd be like finding an area of New York City with no Starbucks. Empire literally has a stranglehold on the city, in terms of both politics and economics. The city is dependent upon Empire, and it provides lots of jobs and services and goods. Most people don't even think about it in terms of like or dislike; it's just there. Those who claim to hate it are either dismissed as whacko left-wing enviro-nuts, or else they're joking around in the "Man, Bill Gates is the devil!" sort of way. Yes, there are underground papers devoted to "exposing" the evils of the corporation, but for the most part it's a welcome and integral part of Lydda. If you want Alan to be from an area that is free of Empire's influence, you definitely to place him outside Lydda (or any major city) and probably further away in Aristes, if not in another state.

Things that need more explanation: While I really like what you have for his personality, I feel like something's missing. You've said a lot about his likes and dislikes and beliefs, but not so much about how he acts. I'd like to see more on how his need for stability and security adversely affects relationships, and more on how he behaves with people in general. You wrote a lot for personality but somehow I still feel I'm not seeing his whole character, especially given the glimpes I got in his stats. In particular I'd like to see more things that set him apart from Tiei, who is also stubborn, laid back but with a temper, and has a very strong sense of family.

The fire thing needs way more explanation. Are we to assume his grandparents died in a fire, and then another fire consumed his apartment? That seems like a bit much for one family. This seemed to be very glossed over and left me a little confused, really. I think one fire is plenty, and the reasons for the move need to be delved into somewhat (even if Alan isn't aware of them).

Suggestions: If you wanted to incorporate a reason for his not going into sports, I would consider some sports-related injury (non life-threatening, but I would be fine with, say, a pilot having a slight limp as long as he could still fight). Alternatively, he may have actually gone into sports after all and that's how he got recruited - Empire scouted him.

I also recommend losing the hatred of technology, as it doesn't make sense given his background. If you want to keep the bit where he can break even a toaster, it would have to have some rational explanation - like if his power involved static electricity or something, which adversely affects any electronics in range. (Which could be cool, but would be hard to find a way around for a pilot.)

PILOT SIDE

Powers: The electric gloves are cool. I would focus more on putting more into them, especially when he lacks any weapons ability. You could definitely work something out with them so that he can use them the same way (or similar to the way) that a magic user might use electric attacks. Also, I mentioned static earlier - that seems like it would be an ability that would go with some of his other aspects (though you may feel this is too close to Ando's powers XD;).

The precog stuff.. While I could see it being applicable, I'm still wary. Not so much for abuse potential (I trust ya) as that we already have a character with heightened environmental sense, and fast reflexes and evasive skills kind of describe Wes. If you were set on going with precognition, you'd have to figure out a different application. (This is an utterly random suggestion which you do not have to follow at all, but if you really wanted a precog it would make a good weak secondary skill, wherein he gets general feelings about the future [more distant than 30 seconds] with occassional flashes of clearer visions much closer to the event, which could enable him to do the cool spidey lamp-catching bit. Sort of a Fiver-esque "I have a bad feeling about this" sense of the future.)

It would be really nice to see a special skill more applicable to the battlefield to make up for his lack of weapons training. Empire primarily wants people who are compatible with their drugs and system, yes, but it's pointless if those people can't fight. Pumping up the electric gloves is a start, but it would be nice if he were more offensive. The pilots aren't supposed to just defend against the knights; they have to be able to actively fight them. If you could think of a way to incorporate the precog stuff in a way that wasn't simply informative (telling him stuff about the environment, which is a trait already shared in some form by Colwyn, Ellis, Nadya, etc) or if you could think of a related ability that would aid in a battle, that would be awesome. Otherwise a defensive skill needs to be balanced with stronger fighting skills.

Mech: While sticking to the basic format is fine, it would be nice to see some innovation in this area. In particular, if he's in one of the earlier groups it's likely they may have tried some crazy experimental stuff, so his model may actually be starkly different from the later ones, rather than being a simplified version. I'd really like to see a weapons system or theme more closely integrated with whatever his powers end up being. Also, most of the other mechs have names which are somehow relevant to the mech design - why did the designers chose to name this model Morpheus?

In general, more detail is needed on the mech (I know, I know, everyone hates this part XD;), especially concerning capabilities and terrain.

Other: At this point in time, I think Scott may be the only G1 pilot. (They may get renumbered so he is G0. XD;) It would be extremely difficult to make someone who had some reason to be prescouted and was willing to deal with the serious risks involved who was not suffering some sort of medical condition. I would recommend making Alan G2 (or more preferably, just saying he's been there quite a long time, as the G system isn't quite worked out yet).

OVERALL

His motivations need some polish and his personality needs more sculpting, in particular more details and bringing things more coherently together, since his stats and personality did not seem to click. Perhaps spend more time finessing his history and pondering how his various personality traits and feelings on things came about.

However, despite some serious structure work in his history that needs to be done, I really do genuinely like him and believe you have a very likeable character at the heart of this application. He just needs to be better explained and more coherently brought together.